Zootopia – Stop Procrastinating – Hypocrites

Lord help me, I’m writing about an animated film I watched today. In my defense, the movie spoke volumes about today’s society and its discrimination and stereotypes by having simply two groups, “predator” and “prey”. The cute animals in the movie were just an added bonus to the serious message this movie sends to many young impressionable minds. I love cartoons a lot. As a kid, watching a cartoon, its message isn’t necessarily received. But, I’m a big girl now. And I see and hear every joke, snip, and point. I also find that I’m a lot more emotional attached to animated characters than actual people. When a bunny cries, I feel it in my soul. When a person cries, I question their acting. Does that make sense at all? Is it relatable at all?

This is a note to self to please stop with your procrastination. It’s ruining your life. Every week, you dread the upcoming Sunday because it’s when you have to gather yourself and do all your homework in one breath. This use to be a reasonable option but no more. You don’t seem to have the self-discipline to do work until it’s absolutely due. Your brain has been a mushed up goop lately. If you keep this up, you’ll look like a true relative to the local panda at the zoo. Please stop before it’s too late.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m surrounded by hypocrites. Bunches of people with double standards who think the world revolves around them or at least doesn’t care for those around them. Sometimes, I feel like it’s my fault for being distant and withdrawn from people. But then I interact with said people and I realize that my actions are actually justified reactions. I think I’d go crazy if people who I really care about, friends who I’m really invested in are liars. Up to this point, I have not met the right person.

Calendar System – AP Exams – What are friends

At an attempt to be more organized and productive, I’ve set up a google calendar. I’m hoping that seeing that I’m scheduled for something will push me to get things done. So far, it’s been a fun, extra thing to do. I can see it lasting if I make a habit out of it. But while I’m getting a lot of work outside of school done, I’m not getting very much school work done. For example, it’s currently 8:40 PM and I dare say that I have not attempted to read Huckleberry Finn nor have I bothered with any of my 3 math assignments. I guess what I’m saying is, if I feel productive, and look productive, then am I productive?

The dreaded month of May is creeping up upon us and I’m starting to feel the metaphorical rope tighten around my real-actual neck. Seriously, I’m breathing shorter breaths. The thing is, this year is not like the past years. I’m taking more exams than I ever have before in 1 year and none of them are to be taken too lightly. To be frank, I want 5’s in all 5 of my classes. But my beliefs and mindset contradicts my wishes. Reality is: high expectations = disappointment. Did I bring this upon myself? Sure did. But maybe I’ll feel accomplished and fantastic when junior year is over.

What’s the definition of a friendship?

Friend: One attached to another by affection or esteem (Merriam Webster)

A favored companion (Merriam Webster)

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard (dictionary)

A person associated with another as a contact on a social-media website (dictionary)

Based on these definitions, I’m actually not friends with a lot of people I think I’m friends with. But I don’t think people should take dictionary definitions too literally. I mean, how you feel about a person should come before how the dictionary claims you should feel. However, how off is the dictionary really?

Sometimes they’re tolerable, but often times they feel toxic and wrong. Sometimes we share a laugh, a joke, a meaningful exchange, simply because we’ve known each other for so long. But I wouldn’t call it affection. The older I get, the less affection I seem to be showing to those around me. Maybe it’s just me, my fault for being closed off. The best way to keep from getting hurt is to be standoff and cool right? Nothing feels very natural anymore. The thing is, when something exciting happens, there isn’t a person who I really want to notify right away. It’s just I don’t feel particularly attached. Yes we go to the same place every day from 7 to 2. Yes we may deal with similar pressures. But if we didn’t have these things, would we still be texting? Or talking? But there’s hope, I have social media. By definition, I have over 1000 friends thanks to twitter, Facebook, and instagram. Seeing as I don’t know about 1/3 of these people, I’d have to unacknowledge this definition. We can make our own conclusions.

Spring Break – Internship – College

So far, Spring Break has been a ray of sunshine in my normally rainy outlook on life. Nothing makes a person more relaxed than being able to control when they wake up and when they go to bed, except maybe drugs. But drugs are considered a no-no according to the law so, again, I emphasize, spring break is great. I do hope I can be productive and start my homework early. Thus far, my motivation has been dwindling. I’m willing for time to slow down. But, I’d like to say I’m not completely responsible for the disappearance of my normally hardcore work ethic. It’s not like I’ve been sitting at home and just blatantly ignoring all the papers set in front of me. I have genuinely been out and about. Socially speaking, I’ve been very active which I suppose explains why academically, I have not. But that’s no excuse. It’s worth it though considering the very nice weather we’ve been getting around here lately. I’m going to go ahead and get started on my list now.

I wrote my cover letter and resume for the internship. Feeling accomplished? Very. But how good is it truly? No clue. With no experience, and very little time to ask someone to proofread it for me, I’m conflicted about the quality of my writing. Questions stream through my brain like: Is it too casual? Do my jokes make me seem like a try-hard? Should there be comedic content at all? The only assistance I’ve had with writing my cover letter and resume is through examples and outlines from the internet, thank god. But besides those, I’m basically poking around blind and hoping I don’t fall off the edge/ let my amateurism show.

Today, I visited a rather renowned university in my area. Like most school tours, this consisted of an information session as well as a tour of the campus. What first seemed like an innocent endeavor turned out really serious and stressful very fast. It got me thinking about the college application process and the SATs/ ACTs and my GPA and all I could focus on was whether or not I was good enough. I suppose all upperclassman have gone through this worrying phase but it’s all the more surreal when you’re experiencing it yourself. Nevertheless, it was a refreshing experience. I could imagine it being my new home away from home. But then again, this was my first college visit so who knows if this is just a shiny new rock to me.