At an attempt to be more organized and productive, I’ve set up a google calendar. I’m hoping that seeing that I’m scheduled for something will push me to get things done. So far, it’s been a fun, extra thing to do. I can see it lasting if I make a habit out of it. But while I’m getting a lot of work outside of school done, I’m not getting very much school work done. For example, it’s currently 8:40 PM and I dare say that I have not attempted to read Huckleberry Finn nor have I bothered with any of my 3 math assignments. I guess what I’m saying is, if I feel productive, and look productive, then am I productive?
The dreaded month of May is creeping up upon us and I’m starting to feel the metaphorical rope tighten around my real-actual neck. Seriously, I’m breathing shorter breaths. The thing is, this year is not like the past years. I’m taking more exams than I ever have before in 1 year and none of them are to be taken too lightly. To be frank, I want 5’s in all 5 of my classes. But my beliefs and mindset contradicts my wishes. Reality is: high expectations = disappointment. Did I bring this upon myself? Sure did. But maybe I’ll feel accomplished and fantastic when junior year is over.
What’s the definition of a friendship?
Friend: One attached to another by affection or esteem (Merriam Webster)
A favored companion (Merriam Webster)
A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard (dictionary)
A person associated with another as a contact on a social-media website (dictionary)
Based on these definitions, I’m actually not friends with a lot of people I think I’m friends with. But I don’t think people should take dictionary definitions too literally. I mean, how you feel about a person should come before how the dictionary claims you should feel. However, how off is the dictionary really?
Sometimes they’re tolerable, but often times they feel toxic and wrong. Sometimes we share a laugh, a joke, a meaningful exchange, simply because we’ve known each other for so long. But I wouldn’t call it affection. The older I get, the less affection I seem to be showing to those around me. Maybe it’s just me, my fault for being closed off. The best way to keep from getting hurt is to be standoff and cool right? Nothing feels very natural anymore. The thing is, when something exciting happens, there isn’t a person who I really want to notify right away. It’s just I don’t feel particularly attached. Yes we go to the same place every day from 7 to 2. Yes we may deal with similar pressures. But if we didn’t have these things, would we still be texting? Or talking? But there’s hope, I have social media. By definition, I have over 1000 friends thanks to twitter, Facebook, and instagram. Seeing as I don’t know about 1/3 of these people, I’d have to unacknowledge this definition. We can make our own conclusions.