Dealing with Teachers – Senior Stresses – Halloween

We all know that one teacher that just always says the wrong thing and pushes the most irritable buttons. In an ideal world, students would be able to pick their educators and fire those they deem unworthy. Unfortunately in this universe, all we can do is deal with them. I’ll admit, being a teacher, especially a new teacher is very stressful. You try to follow protocol down to the needlepoint and you’re not sure if you care about your relationship with your students yet. I get it. Being a new teacher is like entering adolescence all over again. Some people transition more smoothly than others. Along the way, you’ll find a lot of rough patches. Although I understand how tough it is to be in their position, I’m still not likely to cut them a break. In the real world, expectations are put down for people. Each one is unique and there’s no promise of a warming period. You don’t have time to “break-in” the new position first or dip your toe in. The real world is a full on- head first dive. As a student, I have expectations placed upon me. No one is out here cutting me any breaks. My advice to people and teachers (who are people), is to just ride the wave rather than fight back. Experience and adaptation comes with time.

 

October is looming over me and casting its scary shadow for what seems to me to be the first time of my 17 years. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love how festive it is with a hint of scare. Come this year, it’s officially appropriately labeled the scariest month of the year because it’s time for me to start crunching out college applications. I don’t know if I’ll be okay. I don’t know if my teachers will care even the least that I’m going to be hair-pulling stressed this month. I just hope, for my own sake, that I can be proactive for the next 35 days.

 

I love Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday of all time. It’s strange because I don’t really celebrate it as tradition would have it. As a yungin, I went trick-o-treating and I wore costumes and it was a good time. Now, teenagers throw Halloween parties and go to haunted houses and ride hay-rides. I love it. I love the scare and the thrill but I also love the cute costumes. Oh, and of course I love the candy and the horror movies. In a way, Halloween is just like Christmas to me. You spend the holiday with your friends and family. It’s festive, in its own scary fashion. And you get lots of treats in the shape of candy corn and pumpkins. I’m not a big fan of fall but I do love Halloween.

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Library – Feels – Should Have, Could Have

 

I love the library. One, it’s a very productive environment that enforces a strong work ethic. Two, it’s generally peaceful. Three, it’s got tons of books that you can read, FOR FREE! And bring home, FOR FREE! I like reading. If I had more free time, I would read more. Currently, I have a very good hold system going on with my local library that lets me seek out the books I want and place them on hold for future readings. I find that this makes me want to read more as I know that I have a limited time before I have to return the book. Overall, my library is one of my favorite and most frequented places right now.

 

The month of September has been very tough for me. I’ve experienced a lot of different emotions and life is not slowing down for me. Right now, I’d say I’m content. I’m content with the progress I’ve made, my relationships, and my feelings. If I could just ride this wave of bliss for a couple more months, I’d be very thankful.

 

I got some test scores back recently and I’m conflicted with them. I regret not giving myself more time to look into the test and to study and now it’s too late to retake them. The score did not hit my target, sorely I was off by one point. However, as I’m applying for colleges, I’m still proud of the work I’ve done. I’m grateful for all the things I do have to show which is why I’m satisfied even though in the back of my mind, I know I could’ve done better.

3 day weekends – Standardized Tests – Dealing with Loss

The next best thing to a 4 day weekend is a 3 day weekend. I wish I could find it in myself to finish my homework on Friday rather than Monday but somehow, something always comes up Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night. In the end, it’s just pain and regret on cold, lonely Monday nights. But let’s face facts, whether it’s a 2 day weekend, 3 day weekend, winter break, or summer break, it’s never enough.

 

Does anyone actually like taking standardized tests? I suppose maybe if you do well on them. If you score 2400s and 36s, perhaps this doesn’t apply. But still, sitting in a room for 4+ hours is not a fun experience. I’m getting old. Craning my neck over a paper for hours on end is going to give me serious neck pain for a couple days. AND THEN, I see that I had not scored nearly as well as I thought I should have. These tests can turn the most confident, capable students into self-doubting, insecure children. And this is not a false emotion because these test scores mean so much to colleges that they’re accounted for just as much as one’s GPA. There’s just a tiny difference. A GPA is accumulated and nurtured for years. A test score is maybe a 2 or 3 time occurrence. After each one, we hope that we’ve prevailed and exceeded our goals. But unfortunately more than not, we haven’t.

 

Everyone you know has touched your life on levels deeper than you know. Don’t ever take people for granted. Don’t ever neglect anyone. Don’t ever let anger or sadness build up. I would cry. I would crawl into my covers. I would sit under the shower. And I would just let go. I would sob silently when no one is watching. I would go for a run. I would run for a long time until the exhaustion takes over. Then, I would sleep a dreamless sleep. I would wake up with rested eyes and do it all over again. This is how I grieve. How do you grieve?

 

Running is fun – Physics is fun – French is fun

Running is fun. That sentence, those words, have never come out of my mouth before and I highly doubt they will any time in the future. Some people adore running. They act like they hate it. They act like it exhausts them. But in reality, nothing is more gratifying. I am not one of those people. When I say, running is not my cup of tea, I mean it. But I’m the type of person that likes to turn something they hate to do into something they can bare, sometimes even enjoy. I have broken up and made up with running many times. What I’ve found to be the most helpful is joining a group or a team that will push you to keep going even when you desperately want to quit. The first steps are always the hardest. However, once you push past that first mile, it gets much easier. All in all, run because you can, not because you have to. More importantly, do it for your health, physical and mental.

 

I believe that physics is one of my most gratifying classes. I’ve been taking it for a week. Having previously taken calculus, the first week of physics is naturally a breeze. But that’s not what makes it feel gratifying. It’s the homework. My physics assignments are posted online and the problems are done online. More importantly, I can check the answers as I do them. Of course a wrong answer brings a giant red X which brings sadness. But a correct answer brings a giant green check mark which brings excitement and wacky dance moves. Right now, I can handle physics alright. But I won’t be letting my guard down anytime soon because I expect it to be much harder in the future.

 

My senior year in high school and I’ve found myself in the class of a new French teacher. My old French teacher had decided to retire my junior year. I wasn’t sure I felt about this change until I truly connected to this new teacher. In the short time I’ve known her, I’ve already felt more appreciated, my efforts more acknowledged, than previously. I’m in my prime for French. This is the best I’ve ever been and nothing frees a person like finally breaking through the language barrier. I still have a long way to go. The idea of taking the AP French exam is scary. Listening and speaking are not my strengths. Writing (conjugations) aren’t either. What I do have however is determination and a strong work-ethic which I am ready to invest into my French class.