Semester – Independence – Success

I have 2 months of school left. There are less than 60 school days remaining. It’s unbelievable that I am almost done with this school system. I couldn’t be more excited to leave my high school. Unfortunately this last mile home stretch is a bit strenuous. With 5 exams upon me, I’m starting to regret my senior schedule. I only needed English to pass but I just had to stress myself out one last time!! I wish I had more time to do all the things I planned to but oh well.

My mom doesn’t think I can college. Honestly, I don’t think I can college. Thinking about the workload STRESSES me out. I’ve been thinking about it lately. And I’ve decided to make a pact with myself to start being mature and self accountable. I’ve already established some routines in my head to stay organized and healthy in college. Without my mom there to remind me to eat my fruits and vegetables, I really have to be self vigilant with my diet, ESPECIALLY with the buffet style dining plan. I’ll also have to learn to live with a roommate. This might be my biggest challenge yet. A lot of people are already trying to connect with others through facebook, but I just feel like going in random. It’ll either be the best or worst decision of my life. The comfort still lies with the fact that I’ll be really close to home if I ever need anything: like laundry.

Will I succeed in college? It took me a while to figure out just how to attain a 4.0 in high school. Like a whole semester. And this college GPA thing is scary. Apparently an A- isn’t even up to par anymore. That’s terrifying. Hopefully, I’ll be able to adapt to the environment quickly. But with all the fear and nerves, I am still incredibly excited to be a part of this new community of people. It’s a new stage in my life. And I’m so ready for something new.

Classmates – Job – Scholarships

In life, there are competitors in nearly every aspect. School and work especially are breeding grounds for social and academic climbers. I think competition can be very healthy for kids. It keeps us humble and hard-working. Simultaneously, it can be rough to accept this. It feels like there are these standards that just can’t be lived up to. But you know, accepting that you can’t be the best at everything is part of growing up. We find ourselves at these points in our lives at different stages. Some in high school, some in college, some in the working world. A great alternative is to simply compete with yourself.

I’m at the brink of senior year. With the impending college tuition looming over me, I’ve began questioning just where my funds are coming from. Initially, I did not want a job before college. I wanted to spend my senior summer traveling and having fun with my friends. I want to be refreshed and rejuvenated for college. But there’s a sense of guilt gnawing at the back of my brain. And as a result, I’ve applied to a few openings. I’m quite torn between hoping that I won’t get the jobs and hoping that I might.

To help out with my little financial crisis that will be reoccuring every year for the next 6 years, I’ve found a couple dozen scholarships that I could reluctantly apply to every week. They’re quite a bit of work with the essays, and rec letters. Sometimes they’re videos. It’s quite strenuous and extra. And I’m highly doubtful of my chances. I simply assume that there are many other teenagers across the country applying to the same stuff. What makes me stand out? I wish I knew.

 

Hiking – Just Do It – Global Warming

Hiking is dangerous. Hiking is scary. Hiking is some vigorous physical activity.                         Hiking is exciting. Hiking is fun. Hiking is fulfilling afterwards.                                                       I feel so many mixed emotions when I think about hiking. But at the end of the day, I always do it. Really, it’s the beginning of the day. It’s real tiring. But with good company, I think it’s a good time. Recently I’ve been going while it’s been colder. I think I will drown in my own sweat if I go when it gets warmer.

Just do it. – Nike. I tell people this all the time. I even try to tell myself this. Just do it. Just get it over with. Simultaneously, my aching back and freeze-dried brain can’t handle “doing” anything more. For some reason, they feel like going to sleep when they’re sitting in a chair at a desk. But they feel like staying up when they’re in bed with their laptop. I love being productive and feeling like I’m not wasting time. But sometimes, I feel like I’ve been too productive, that I need to waste some time if I want to lead a normal life. Suddenly, I’m stuck in the same procratinator rut.

Global warming is real. Don’t be a dumb snowball holding jerk. If any point in life, there isn’t any more snowballs, then we would seriously be in trouble. That’s not to say this irregular weather pattern isn’t a major signal for some serious atmospheric threats. I believe I’ve truly experience all 4 seasons in one week last week. On Monday it was 70 degrees, and on Friday it snowed. If that’s not the earth screaming at us, I don’t know what is.

Early Sunrise – Roommate – Involvement

I love a nice early sunrise because it signals for the approach of warmer weather and longer days. My bedroom faces the east, therefore I always catch the sunrise at full force – a blessing and a curse. I don’t sleep in in the summer because it’s impossibly hot in my room due to the extra light-heat. So I can get up nice and early and go for runs. It can be tough though, when I have long nights.

Graduation is just 4 months away which means college isn’t that far off either. In order to fully experience freshman year, I’ve opted to stay on campus. This whole process of trying to find a roommate is slightly frustrating and off-putting. The stereotypical self-describer will say that they “enjoy going out and having a good time, but school work is also very important”. Generic. And having a one-on-one conversation even over social media can be very awkward. I’m quite tempted to just let fate decide and having a random-draw for a roommate.

Going along with the college theme: one of the things I’m most excited for is getting involved as much as possible. I did heavy research of all the possibilities when I was accepted and I was so excited at the time. Whether it be to just make friends or to make a difference in my community, or to just better myself as a person. I want to explore and find out what I’m truly passionate about and maybe along the way, find out what I was meant for.

Accepted – Deferred – Rejected

With each passing year, college admissions gets more and more competitive. With the admission decisions comes joy, disappointment, and acceptance.

Accepted. The first words clue you in immediately. There is no need to sugarcoat an acceptance and so it starts with a big ol’ “Congratulations!” No matter the competitiveness of a college, an acceptance will still make you feel great. It feels like a heavy load has been lifted off your chest because suddenly, college is actually an option. It’s important to not just consider the ranking of a school when determining whether it’s the place for you. All acceptances are a blessing because there are always people who didn’t get into the school that you did.

Deferred. It’s the bittersweet of all decisions. You’re not accepted yet, chances of acceptance are slightly lower now. Yet you’re not rejected either. You could hold on to the hope that lady luck will come through or you can focus on the schools that have already accepted you. Unfortunately, deferrals are becoming more and more popular within colleges. They simply like having options. A lot of them don’t even reject students for early action. The worst part though, has to be the extra wait time. After months of anticipation, you have to once again, tune in your patience. That truly sucks.

Rejected. The extra sticky band-aid that rips our pieces of your heart and sanity. It’s official, you didn’t get in. It can feel like you’re not good enough for the school: not smart enough, not perfect enough, not adequate, inferior. This can hurt for a few moments, but things happen for a reason. Be honest with yourself: would you want to be at the bottom of the chain at your school or the top? Attend Harvard and struggle to maintain a passing GPA? Don’t set the bar too high or you might break an ankle on the way down.

Weather – Senior Quotes – Museums

Man is global warming real. He’s bipolar and shifty, and none too predictable. I hate the cold and it’s winter. But it hasn’t truly been winter because of the lack of snow. It’s been that nasty in-between: unbearably windy and mildly sunny. All I want to do is stay in my house: nay, in my bed. Every breath of cold air is like a stab to my heart. A lot of people across the country seem to think that their state has the worst weather patterns; the fact is: it’s actually disgusting everywhere because the planet is over-warming and the ice caps are melting, and the polar bears, oh the poor polar bears, have nowhere to go. Although one may argue that a personal dislike of weather is a first-world problem if one has shelter and food, the big picture shows that people have a seemingly selfish attitude that is actually a secret radar for detecting bad omens to come.

To write: “To be or not to be…”, that is the question. Creativity is out there, but she’s hiding from you miscreants for not giving her the credit and appreciation she truly deserves. Ignoring all the cliches and famous quotations out there in the world (and there are a lot of those things floating around), what else is left for us simple-folk who procrastinate until the last possible day, only to end up rushing around, begging for friends and family to light a spark in our lonely minds. The best advice I can part with, without giving away my own quote, is to use context that is unique to yourself. Unfortunately, or maybe- fortunately, there is no golden rule or structured rubric for senior quotes. When we think about it, a senior quote isn’t really anything special or particularly life-changing unless it’s disgracefully embarrassing. Fact of the matter is, I’m paying for a yearbook so I’m going to splatter as much of me in it as possible: whether that be through literary genius or aesthetically- pleasing visuals. Just try to reflect you! If you’re corny: make a corn joke. If you’re cheesy: make a cheese joke. If you’re serious: quote Abe Lincoln. If you’re still lost: pick out your favorite animal and favorite food and put them together in a sentence.

At what age would you say do humans start to fully appreciate art? Babies can rejoice at the sight of colorful splatters, surely this is a form of appreciation. Rather it’s when you’re 6 or 7, when you become easily bored by the lack of pizzazz. Nevertheless, you still accompany your family to museums and try to figure out just what is so special about the Mona Lisa. You may pretend to be invested in art-pieces that are quite trivial compared to the graphics on your video games. Ancient and centuries-old works are famous: peut-etre because they’re old? I am no art major or art critic. But I’ve come to realize that I am an art enthusiast. To be an enthusiast of something is the best kind of hands-off relationship. There are no requirements, no expectations: just relaxed and blissful enjoyment. My most recent visit to my local art museum has shown me just how therapeutic and touching art can be. It’s in a new way that’s different from the try-hard attitude of a child. Without realizing it, I was dreading to leave my oasis. Spending an abundance of time with each piece leaves many pieces undiscovered. One need not be an artist to enjoy the relief that art can provide. Being surrounded by color or lack of it in a dim setting is definitely better than a typical everyday setting.

Meal Prep – Crying – 30/30

I’ve decided to start meal prepping for both health and convenience reasons. I’ve never been one to limit what I eat. In fact, I exercise specifically so that I could eat whatever I want. However, nowadays, I find that I’m just much too busy. More often than not, I end up eating ramen instead of actual food which is so bad. I figure I might as well try out meal prepping before I head off to college. This week I plan on doing caesar salads. They’re not the most nutritious of salads, but they’re pretty accessible. Although I’m not setting up a budget, I’m not trying to burn a hole through my wallet either. I’m excited to start doing this. It would be nice to come home and have a meal 75% prepared and waiting for me.

One of my most recent dreams took place at the last day of school. I suppose for me, that would be graduation. For some reason, I kept crying. And I couldn’t stop crying. I seriously hope that actual graduation won’t be nearly as sad because it would suck to have mascara running down my face and have makeup tinting my white dress in photos.

Another app I’ve been getting back into is 30/30. It’s a timer app but I don’t usually use it for that function. Instead, I use it as if it were an alternating to-do list. I like this app specifically because you can manipulate your to-dos very easily. It’s simple enough to use and I feel that it makes me very productive. It creates a similar satisfaction to checking off to-dos in an agenda.

 

 

College – Chocolate – Trivia Crack

College is a super exciting time. There’s the new environment, the new community, the new sense of freedom in its purest form. People get so comfortable in high school. Seniors have gotten to know of everyone and have gotten to decide who to surround themselves with. College however means that its’ time to start the process over again. Once again, vulnerability seeps through. Stories and explanations have to be told over and over again. Personally, I love this part. It’s great meeting new people because there’s limitless topics to breech. I joined a college group chat recently and initially, I really liked the friendly environment. The chat really gave me an idea of what my prospective classmates could be like. All was going to well when suddenly, a group of boys joined the chat and starting saying rude and ignorant things. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the college was right for me. I don’t want to invest my education in a place where there are bullies and headstrong people. It’s certainly no way to make a first-impression. I couldn’t imagine speaking to these people much less partner with them in projects. Although I’m well aware that there will be these types of people on every campus. I still feel and overwhelming aura of disrespect coming from the prospects of this school. For this reason, it’s dropping down on my college list. Outside of financials and education, environment is extremely important. I want a school that will make me feel comfortable and happy.

Chocolate is so good. Funny thing is, I never crave it until after the first bite. It’s a blessing and a curse because once I start, it’s pretty hard to stop. As the creamy texture melts in my house, I always will it to stay for longer. But I guess that’s part of chocolate’s appeal. It plays hard to get by leaving its sweet dancers on our tongue long after they leave.

Trivia crack was super popular 2 years ago. I’ve recently rediscovered it and I am once again obsessed with it. Besides the wonderful feeling of winning, I love how this game allows people to learn quick interesting facts. If a kid had to play a game, I would certainly stick this in their hands. However, it can be quite addicting. With limited lives, you’ll feel the longing for the clicking sound of the spinning wheel in no time.

 

 

 

Car Scratched – Resolutions – Grandma’s Tattoo

I had a dream that some no-good delinquent scratched my car, all the way around. My freshly-painted perfect baby. I didn’t wake up but my heart was beating so fast with fury. I think if I ever witnessed someone keying a car, I would fight them mercilessly. It doesn’t even have to be my car. Because how can someone be so cruel, heartless, and horrible? The car is innocent. No matter what horrible deeds I may have done to you, my car does not deserve the punishment. I think that was actually one of the worst nightmares I’ve ever had.

It’s the New Year and I’m super excited because it’s my grad year. This moment has been long awaited. Every year I have a few resolutions that I don’t exactly hold myself accountable for which is really bad. My problem is that I don’t write it down. But also, I don’t want to feel the defeat and sadness, others feel when they fall behind and quit on their goals. Instead, I’ve opted for a detailed Things To Do list. I’ve mainly used it to manage my upcoming college responsibilities but it’s made me feel so organized! I love making calendars which makes sense because they’re kind of like resolutions but with instant gratification. One of my goals is to actually keep a journal. I don’t call it a daily journal because that is way too much pressure for me. Instead, it’s more like a special memory holder. Only the important memories go in there. Going along with that theme, I’ve also gotten an app that keeps track of photos that I take. I take a photo everyday that I feel summarizes my day. I think it would be cool to look back on.

I had another dream that my grandma got a back tattoo. It was no delicate butterfly either. It was huge: so big that it took up her entire back. In my dream, I was like, “Grandma!” If you knew my grandma, you would be just as shocked. She’s pretty conservative. She didn’t exactly jump with excitement at my cartilage piercing. She would probably flip out if I ever got a tattoo. I thought this dream was super funny though. It changed my perspective a little bit. I love dreaming. If I dream, I know that I’m going to sleep restfully. I’m trying to document my dreams so that I could remember them because they can be so wildly creative and impressive. And sometimes, I’m a little psychic so… 😉

Plans – Procrastinating – Cold

I really like making plans. I love calendars and agendas and to-do lists because they make me feel like an organized person. However, acting on my plans is another story. In the end, I always seem to leave things to the last minute. I always wish I was more proactive about important things. I guess you could say it’s one of my resolutions. As I’m sitting in bed on January 1st, watching MTV, I wish I was working on homework that’s due in less than a week. Unfortunately for me, the illusion of working hard and doing work is enough for my brain to laze about.

I’m always in a deep slump towards the end of winter break. I feel sluggish and unproductive. I wish I could’ve done all the things that I said I was going to do before break but once again, the evil little pink monster (procrastination) caught up with me. I’ve found that if I ever just let myself slip a little bit, get a tiny break, my brain ends up thinking it’s on a week long holiday.

One of the things that definitely contributes to my lazy attitude is the weather. It’s winter here. It’s cold. I hate the cold. I feel like I don’t want  to ever get out of bed because I feel like I’m going to get sick. Cold is one of my least favorite feelings. I’d rather be sweating than shivering. And the cold doesn’t just limit me outside. I also don’t want to go downstairs because it’s kind of chilly down there too. And I can’t do much without throwing on a robe, sweatpants, and slippers.